My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
