i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
