we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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