I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
