does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My balls are so social today.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
