normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
