i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
