just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
