Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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