He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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