i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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