38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
