eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
