I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
