We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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