do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
