So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
