I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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