He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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