I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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