When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
