He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
