I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
