I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
