I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
