Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
