My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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