Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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