I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
