I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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