Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
