remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
