I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
