Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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