i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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