I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ugly people sure do ruin things
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
