He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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