just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
