I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
