I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
