but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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