You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
