how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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