The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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