I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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