there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
