At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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