When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
