I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
