seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
