If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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