I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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