I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
